She told me she was not my daughter. I told her she always would be. She was angry and I was crushed. I held it together until after the conversation ended but then I crashed.
This is my story. I’m am heartbroken for all of the families, including yours and mine who are in this space. Our kids have been taken over by a narcissist cult that they don’t even know they are a part of. It is the ultimate evil breaking up families in the name of “being nice”? No. This is not nice. This is the opposite of nice And it is certainly not love. Sometimes the truth hurts. Narcissists hate truth tellers. And we fight....
Imagine thinking your unwillingness to support your child is more of an emotional toll than the toll your rejection is taking on your child. This breaks my heart. I hope your kiddo gets the love and support they deserve.
She is getting the love and support that she deserves. A loving father is attempting to gently talk to his daughter that has had mental struggles in the past. He is likely aware that 80%+ of all children with gender confusion no longer experience distress after they go through puberty. He wants to avoid unnecessary physical changes to his daughter that cannot be reversed. A young woman given puberty delaying drugs and cross hormone therapy will likely end up sterile, encounter health issues, and have a shorter lifespan.
Love requires that we don't allow our children to make life altering, health altering decisions without discussing all of the physical and mental aspects of those decisions.
I’ve been thinking about how to reply to this all day. My first reaction was anger, but after some time to think about it, I just feel sad. I’m also a parent, and I know that a loving, caring parent would not intentionally harm their child. You (and the author of this post, and all the other parents like them) truly believe they’re acting in the best interest of their child. Unfortunately you’ve been taken advantage of by people with anti-trans bias, who have an agenda to scare you because they don’t want trans people to exist. People like me. Maybe people like the author’s child. But we do exist, and have existed for all of human history. We’re human beings with feelings, who just want to be treated with respect. We need you to listen and believe us when we tell you who we are.
The information you have about puberty blockers is incorrect. Blockers have been used for a long time to treat certain medical conditions, so we have years of evidence showing that puberty blockers do not cause sterility. Blockers give a child time to figure out their identity. If they realize they aren’t trans (also not sure about that 80% statistic - citations from an unbiased source please), they could simply stop taking the blockers and go through the puberty that aligns with their sex at birth. Most importantly, if they do decide they are trans, blockers would prevent them from going through a puberty that will cause them severe anguish. Anguish that you could not possibly understand.
Using blockers and going right to hormone therapy would not only help the child avoid certain gender affirming surgery later in life, it will also give that person a chance to have a body that aligns with their identity. I wish I had been born 40 years after I was, so I could have had the chance to grow up that way. Had I been on blockers and then HRT, I would have been taller, had larger feet, a deeper voice, never grown a chest. I cannot tell you how awful a female puberty was for me, as a 12 year old kid. I didn’t understand my gender identity at that point because trans people (especially trans men) were never talked about, except as the butt of a joke. I just knew that I had been happy before puberty (I was often seen as a boy) and was miserable after. I contemplated suicide often.
Anyway, I doubt I’ll change your mind here. These conversations never amount to much. But please, if you love your child, listen to them. Believe them.
Sadly, you immediately pull out the “they don’t want trans people to exist” trope. This is a lie meant to stop any meaningful discussion of the topic of subjecting children to life altering chemical treatments and surgical removal of healthy body parts. We realize that people suffer from gender dysphoria and also understand that a high percentage of children presenting at gender clinics also suffer from other mental health issues such as autism and depression.
I did not claim puberty blockers cause sterility but the cross sex hormone therapy is likely to cause infertility. Female hormones given to a male shrink the testes and interfere with sperm production, male hormones given to a female stop the normal female egg production process. As far as the 80% figure, reference - Medscape - Time to Hit Pause. https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/958742?reg=1#vp_4 I encourage you to read the entire article. You will find that much of what you thought was true is not.
Advocating for blockers and then going right to hormone therapy is part of the problem. Almost all (nearly 100%) of children put on puberty blockers go on to cross sex hormone therapy. This borders on abuse or malpractice since we know that the vast majority (67%-93%) of children with gender dysphoria are no longer dysphoric after puberty.
It is a tragedy that you did not receive the mental health help you so desperately needed. Individual tragedy does not justify subjecting the children of today to a course of action that leads to permanent changes that are likely unnecessary. I encourage you to listen to the stories of those that have de-transitioned. These tragedies should carry as much or more weight as your story.
The previous use for blockers of puberty was short-term, for delaying early puberty. But a child who is transitioned must stay on blockers indefinitely, for years and years, unless and until they have their gonads removed. But the only data we have on the side effects right now is from the previous short term use, as well as very recent data from longer-term use so far. Even that data is concerning, showing issues with bone, cardiac, cognitive and endocrine development: https://segm.org/studies
The president of WPATH, Marci Bowers, a trans woman herself and the most experienced gender surgeon on the planet, admits to colleagues that boys blocked at the beginning of puberty and then put on hormones never will have an orgasm:
Dr. Erica Anderson, a trans woman, former USPATH President and Bay-Area-based gender clinician who has worked with GD kids for 4 decades, is also concerned with the sudden increase in transition of children. Here's a Washington Post article she wrote: https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2021/11/24/trans-kids-therapy-psychologist/
None of this is really surprising to anyone who understands how important puberty is to a child's growth. It's not just about sex characteristic development.
But what IS surprising, is that no research was done on the totality of the health effects of indefinitely preventing puberty from happening in children, before making blockers available to gender clinics outside of research protocols. We are engaged in a grand experiment. And so far, it doesn't look good at all.
How old was your daughter when she made this announcement? Your writings are very descriptive and relatable, it would help the reader a lot to know whether she was/is a legal adult and what degree of financial independence she has from you. Those factors immensely impact the dynamic and understanding them is very helpful to the reader.
This is my story. I’m am heartbroken for all of the families, including yours and mine who are in this space. Our kids have been taken over by a narcissist cult that they don’t even know they are a part of. It is the ultimate evil breaking up families in the name of “being nice”? No. This is not nice. This is the opposite of nice And it is certainly not love. Sometimes the truth hurts. Narcissists hate truth tellers. And we fight....
This left a lump in my throat. Like reading my own story. Looking forward to reading more. ❤️
Thanks. More to come. I have many pages in draft but it takes an emotional toll to write, edit, and post.
Imagine thinking your unwillingness to support your child is more of an emotional toll than the toll your rejection is taking on your child. This breaks my heart. I hope your kiddo gets the love and support they deserve.
She is getting the love and support that she deserves. A loving father is attempting to gently talk to his daughter that has had mental struggles in the past. He is likely aware that 80%+ of all children with gender confusion no longer experience distress after they go through puberty. He wants to avoid unnecessary physical changes to his daughter that cannot be reversed. A young woman given puberty delaying drugs and cross hormone therapy will likely end up sterile, encounter health issues, and have a shorter lifespan.
Love requires that we don't allow our children to make life altering, health altering decisions without discussing all of the physical and mental aspects of those decisions.
I’ve been thinking about how to reply to this all day. My first reaction was anger, but after some time to think about it, I just feel sad. I’m also a parent, and I know that a loving, caring parent would not intentionally harm their child. You (and the author of this post, and all the other parents like them) truly believe they’re acting in the best interest of their child. Unfortunately you’ve been taken advantage of by people with anti-trans bias, who have an agenda to scare you because they don’t want trans people to exist. People like me. Maybe people like the author’s child. But we do exist, and have existed for all of human history. We’re human beings with feelings, who just want to be treated with respect. We need you to listen and believe us when we tell you who we are.
The information you have about puberty blockers is incorrect. Blockers have been used for a long time to treat certain medical conditions, so we have years of evidence showing that puberty blockers do not cause sterility. Blockers give a child time to figure out their identity. If they realize they aren’t trans (also not sure about that 80% statistic - citations from an unbiased source please), they could simply stop taking the blockers and go through the puberty that aligns with their sex at birth. Most importantly, if they do decide they are trans, blockers would prevent them from going through a puberty that will cause them severe anguish. Anguish that you could not possibly understand.
Using blockers and going right to hormone therapy would not only help the child avoid certain gender affirming surgery later in life, it will also give that person a chance to have a body that aligns with their identity. I wish I had been born 40 years after I was, so I could have had the chance to grow up that way. Had I been on blockers and then HRT, I would have been taller, had larger feet, a deeper voice, never grown a chest. I cannot tell you how awful a female puberty was for me, as a 12 year old kid. I didn’t understand my gender identity at that point because trans people (especially trans men) were never talked about, except as the butt of a joke. I just knew that I had been happy before puberty (I was often seen as a boy) and was miserable after. I contemplated suicide often.
Anyway, I doubt I’ll change your mind here. These conversations never amount to much. But please, if you love your child, listen to them. Believe them.
Sadly, you immediately pull out the “they don’t want trans people to exist” trope. This is a lie meant to stop any meaningful discussion of the topic of subjecting children to life altering chemical treatments and surgical removal of healthy body parts. We realize that people suffer from gender dysphoria and also understand that a high percentage of children presenting at gender clinics also suffer from other mental health issues such as autism and depression.
I did not claim puberty blockers cause sterility but the cross sex hormone therapy is likely to cause infertility. Female hormones given to a male shrink the testes and interfere with sperm production, male hormones given to a female stop the normal female egg production process. As far as the 80% figure, reference - Medscape - Time to Hit Pause. https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/958742?reg=1#vp_4 I encourage you to read the entire article. You will find that much of what you thought was true is not.
Advocating for blockers and then going right to hormone therapy is part of the problem. Almost all (nearly 100%) of children put on puberty blockers go on to cross sex hormone therapy. This borders on abuse or malpractice since we know that the vast majority (67%-93%) of children with gender dysphoria are no longer dysphoric after puberty.
It is a tragedy that you did not receive the mental health help you so desperately needed. Individual tragedy does not justify subjecting the children of today to a course of action that leads to permanent changes that are likely unnecessary. I encourage you to listen to the stories of those that have de-transitioned. These tragedies should carry as much or more weight as your story.
Fellow parent and biologist here. I believe you also want the best for your kid. Here is your requested link to the followup study on gender dysphoric kids. 80%+ desisted, and most grew up to be gay: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.632784/full
98% of kids put on blockers eventually go on cross-sex hormones. So the "pause for time to think" idea is a fiction in practice:
https://statsforgender.org/puberty-blockers/#:~:text=Share%20on%20LinkedIn-,Puberty%20blockers%20are%20more%20than%20a%20%27pause%20button%27%3A%20roughly,to%20take%20cross%2Dsex%20hormones.
The previous use for blockers of puberty was short-term, for delaying early puberty. But a child who is transitioned must stay on blockers indefinitely, for years and years, unless and until they have their gonads removed. But the only data we have on the side effects right now is from the previous short term use, as well as very recent data from longer-term use so far. Even that data is concerning, showing issues with bone, cardiac, cognitive and endocrine development: https://segm.org/studies
The president of WPATH, Marci Bowers, a trans woman herself and the most experienced gender surgeon on the planet, admits to colleagues that boys blocked at the beginning of puberty and then put on hormones never will have an orgasm:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=K5V_gH01uII&start=6s
This study shows that blockers lower IQ: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00044/
Dr. Erica Anderson, a trans woman, former USPATH President and Bay-Area-based gender clinician who has worked with GD kids for 4 decades, is also concerned with the sudden increase in transition of children. Here's a Washington Post article she wrote: https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2021/11/24/trans-kids-therapy-psychologist/
Here's an interview she did:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bonus-interview-youth-gender-clinician-dr-erica-anderson/id1504298199?i=1000538291564
This not-yet-published study reported on at the 1st SEGM Conference shows that blockers slow development: https://lgbtcouragecoalition.substack.com/p/in-the-room-where-it-happened
None of this is really surprising to anyone who understands how important puberty is to a child's growth. It's not just about sex characteristic development.
But what IS surprising, is that no research was done on the totality of the health effects of indefinitely preventing puberty from happening in children, before making blockers available to gender clinics outside of research protocols. We are engaged in a grand experiment. And so far, it doesn't look good at all.
I am so sorry. I am right there with you.
How old was your daughter when she made this announcement? Your writings are very descriptive and relatable, it would help the reader a lot to know whether she was/is a legal adult and what degree of financial independence she has from you. Those factors immensely impact the dynamic and understanding them is very helpful to the reader.
She was 15 and is now 17. Zero financial independence.